Tag Archives: hate

Learning from The Black Panther Movie: Embracing the Beauty of Sunsets (and the People) We Never Could Have Imagined

There is always more than one way to win when you are in a fight, or when you are facing an enemy or oppressor. What I liked about the movie Black Panther was seeing that it is not always necessary or wise to let the hate or contempt that you feel for those who hurt you eat you and every one you come into contact with, alive.

I know far too many people, and a few that I attempted to love, who were consumed with anger and hate. In some cases, they destroyed everything that they came into contact with: good, bad, and in-between; until eventually their hate and resentments led them to bring a premature, unfortunate end to themselves, including everything that came into their lives.

I’m all for insisting upon accountability and justice from those that I would consider to be my enemies, generally as hateful and abusive individuals or systems, but, I’ve also learned that it is not to my benefit or for my good to destroy my own chances at happiness and joy because of what someone else did or said that harmed me or others. I cannot live my life wallowing and drowning in the inadequacies and transgressions of others who seem to be oblivious to their own brokenness and failures.

Approaching the age of sixty, I have learned that living in this way – caught or stuck in the grip of past traumas or pain – will certainly keep me from seeing the beauty in life, the sunsets, the people and the places that I never could have imagined.

I walked out of the movie, Black Panther, with a great lesson. The lesson was that it is super important to heal from the losses and tragedies of the past (and to the greatest extent possible even for those that I encounter in the present). I believe this is true for all of humanity.

If we (as a species) are ever going to be useful to ourselves and to others, especially for the next generation, then we must recognize that healing is one of the most important tasks of the human experience.

© 2026 annalise fonza, Ph.D. updated 06/04/2026

What Do You Believe?

What you believe about yourself and others will show up in your actions, not in your speech.

If you believe you are worthy, you will act like it and you will make the best choices that you can to experience the best that life has to offer.

If you believe that the lives of others are precious and free, you will treat them with kindness and respect.

If you believe that life is worth the living, you will live it to the best of your ability.

If you respect the people in your life, you will show them that you care about their lives and their feelings.

If you are a good person, you will say and do good things, and you will probably be a giver.

On the other hand, if you believe that you are not a good person, it will be articulated in your actions.

Perhaps you will sabotage just about every good thing that comes into your life, and then fail to take responsibility for the damage that you cause.

The malevolence of your beliefs about yourself will show up in your day-to-day living, and you will probably take much more than you give, if you give anything at all without any expectation of repayment.

If you are selfish, you will not care about how your actions affect others (and being selfish is not a sign that you love yourself, rather it is a type of greed or, frankly, narcissism).

If you are manipulative, you will lie and deceive others to get what you want, and even when what you want could be freely obtained or given.

If you are hateful, you will belittle and spew hate on to others, including those you do not even know. You will not be a genuinely pleasant person to be around.

If you are not trustworthy, you will not trust others, and you may always be looking over your shoulder, and weaponizing yourself with your words and actions.

If deep down you believe that you are not worthy of good things and good people, then you will choose things and people who are not good for you.

You will make poor choices, and possibly suffer devastating consequences.

Oh yes, I have learned to pay attention to the core beliefs of others (and to my own) by observing their actions, not their speech.

And doing this has taught me how to save my own life.

©2020 annalise fonza, Ph.D.

Updated: 07/27/2024

Leave Hate Alone

I did not fully understand the concept of unearned anger or guilt until I was in a relationship with someone who hated women; and, therefore, whenever I said or did something that reminded him of the women that he hated, he hated me: just like that, as if I had harmed him or taken something from him.

A time or two or three or four, I went back because I did not want to believe that he was filled with so much hatred and contempt for women, yet he was.

No matter what I did, or said, he continued to treat me with hate, anger, and contempt when things did not go as expected, or his way.

Finally, the best thing that I ever did in response to his hateful outbursts was to leave the anger, hate, guilt, and contempt alone, with him, where it belonged.

© 2019 annalise fonza, Ph.D.