I did a lot of things – big and small – to get to where I am today. For example, I have worked jobs where I have been underemployed and overqualified. Regardless, I never doubted where I could or would be. I have always believed in myself and my ability to be the best that I can be in life.

Unfortunately, I have known a number of people who doubted me and what lay ahead for me. They have been long gone. I also have known a few that tried to sabotage the foundation of the relationship that we had. They too have been gone, even long before they were out of my life. Finally, there we some people who came into my life who were clueless about me and what I was capable of, and they totally missed me. I can count on one hand the number of people who truly “got me” or who believed in me and who demonstrated that they were more than willing to help me get where I was trying to go. I have walked alone most of the time, but I would not have made it to where I am today without the help and encouragement of those who did their best to stand by me (as opposed to the ones who made a habit of lying to me and walking out on me).

A few of my naysayers, however, really stand out. Not too long ago, one of my former managers, told me that if I wanted the answer to a certain question about the work that I was doing, that I should go and “raise my pay grade.” How I would love to run into that manager today and say, “Guess what, boo, I raised my pay grade!” Would that be petty? Oh well, I digress.

Once, a former partner asked me why I had never been married, and my answer to that was simply this: most of the men that I knew intimately did not have the ability to wait. In addition, a lot of them (men) really sucked at grinding or putting in the necessary time and work that it takes for two people to be in a healthy relationship, not to mention what it takes for an individual or a couple to get from one level to the next.

The majority of my former partners were very impatient and wanted things to happen on their timetable. On the other hand, they did not have good healthy examples – in childhood or adolescence – of how to sustain a healthy, intimate relationship. When it came to my affairs, and to our relationship, they wanted that instant gratification: forget putting in work or actively working things out with give and take. I believe a few approached relationship with me as best as they could, but most ofy former partners relied on that old school logic (where the man controls, dominates, calls the shots). Most of all, they lacked integrity and communication skills. They lived by that old school “my way or the highway” approach, and that did not work out too well with me. From childhood, I was always a very independent person. I am so glad that I had sense enough to keep it moving, not to settle on mediocrity or dysfunction because that is what is out there these days, in abundance: those stuck in the past and reliving their parents’ lives. People who do this tolerate dysfunction and toxicity so much that they think it is normal. On the contrary, I strive for excellence in everything I do. I refuse to put up with the bullcrap, and I am moving forward, not backwards. I do not want to repeat the mistakes of the past.

Looking in the rear view mirror, one of the most important lessons that I have learned is that there is nothing like earning my “just desserts.” Undoubtedly, this world is full of people who do not earn it: the richest of the rich inherit it. They get lucky. Their inheritance is handed to them, or they were simply in the right place at the right time, or born into it. By and large, today’s up and coming tend to buy success. They buy what they want and get immediate results, sometimes overnight. Perhaps there are times when overnight results or overnight success is advisable; there are always situations where we do not have to wait; and there is certainly nothing wrong with experiencing a little instant luck from time to time. But, cultivating fortitude, or developing the ability to wait on good times and good people to come into our lives takes skill, and it is definitely worth the wait. I can attest that there is some truth to the saying, “Good things come to those who wait.”

If you are a person who wants their rewards right here, right now, it is important to be aware that it will probably not work out as planned, no matter how much money you have, or no matter what you do. Sometimes we have to put in a significant amount of work and time if we want to reach our goals or be successful, and with our honor still in tact. There were many times that I could have settled for what was presented to me in the moment; I could have settled for “Mr. Right Now.” But, the longer that I waited on my highest good to come in to my life, the more I could see that which was not my highest good, or that which would keep me from reaching my highest good: the more clarity that I gained.

Recently, one of my friends said to me, “Everybody gets their turn in life,” and there is clearly some truth to that. Each of us has something to get and something to give in life, and sometimes what we get – right away – is really good. Speaking from experience, however, it is clear to me that that which comes fast or quick, often does not last, nor do the people who come with it. I have met a lot of people who would not and did not stick around when the going got pretty rough for me; they (including friends, families, lovers) were not able to be fully present. They were only willing to be present to me in the “good times.” So, sadly, as the old adage goes, “easy come, easy go.”

Nevertheless, when the tables turn and life seems to open up, there is nothing like that feeling, especially when you have earned it with blood, sweat, and tears. When that happens, when every part of the wait and the heartache proves worth it, and you are on the path you have always wanted to be on because you put in the time and necessary work so that you could freely be on that road, there is absolutely, positively, no turning back to the way things used to be. When that happens, the only way to go is forward and to enjoy the fruit of your labor – and all by yourself if you have to. Because when you have earned it, no one deserves to savor the sweetness that life has to offer more than you do.

© 2023 annalise fonza, Ph.D., MURP, M.Div, MPA

Updated 12/27/2023