My Thoughts on Mother’s Day: Reposted

I posted this on Facebook four years ago. Decided to share it again.

 

A lot of people are posting for Mother’s Day, calling for an appreciation for their mothers and the sharing of their happiness that is related to their mothers, which often translates into a monetary purchase. I get that. However, there are many motherless children, and there are those who do not feel happy or good about their mothers. Not all mothers are willing or able to be there for their children.

Every woman is NOT naturally good at being present and loving towards her child. Some women fail miserably at motherhood and parenting. The view that every woman is capable of loving a child because she has the ability to bring one into being is a myth propagated by patriarchal thinking that says that all women MUST desire to bear children and thus aspire to become mothers. Of course, I am proud and thankful for the women and mothers who indeed are present and loving (esp for the ones in my life), but the truth is that many women are NOT present or loving, and to give them credit that they have not earned or do not deserve is something that has always been painful for me to watch amongst my friends and family.

Today [Mother’s Day 2017], please be conscious, especially as you wish others a “Happy Mother’s Day,” that this day is quite constructed for socio-economic purposes, and that that kind of widespread promotion, which encourages a kind of groupthink, silences many and compels them to follow the crowd and lie to themselves as to how they really feel about their mothers and thus about themselves. This Mother’s Day is expected to gross more than $23.6 billion dollars; perhaps the most ever in U.S. history.

If you love and appreciate your mother, honor her, first and foremost, with a life that is lived everyday authentically you and human! And, if there is little to no love between you and your mother, be true to yourself and your experience with your mother by finding an honest way to honor and give voice to the feelings you have about your mother and your experience with her.

© 2017 annalise fonza, Ph.D.

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“I Don’t Celebrate Christmas!”: Everyday is a Day for Loving and For Giving

A couple of days ago, I met a man and a boy (his son). The man was helping me to tow my car (yes, back to the dealer) while the boy sat patiently in the cab waiting on his father. I was a little amazed that he occupied himself so responsibly, while the two of us wrestled to get my non-responsive car on the flatbed truck (well, the man did most of the work).

Though I am an atheist and I have entirely rejected the concept of Christmas and any other fairy tales that go along with this day, i.e., Santa Claus – which is why I could care less about nor will I participate in any debate about the racial identity of such a figure on national television or elsewhere for the matter (no more than I would take the time to care or argue about, say, “The Grinch”) – out of a sense of courtesy and conversation, I asked the young boy, who is 12 years old, what he was planning for this week. In response, he said, “I Don’t Celebrate Christmas!” He continued, “And, I don’t believe that Jesus was born on Christmas.” After a few moments of catching myself staring in amazement I said, “I don’t celebrate Christmas either,” and, ” Good for you, you are right, Jesus was not born on Christmas.”

Rarely, if ever, do I hear such boldness from children concerning matters of god and religion. His simple critique of this holiday – declared a “holy day” by some – was thoughtful, true and authentic. I was quite impressed. His father chimed in to say, “Everyday is Christmas in our household,” and during the ride we continued in a lively discussion about how he as a father came to that conclusion, and about how he as a son was quite remarkable. One day the son hopes to play for the NBA, and I suspect that he might reach that goal, and a few others that he hasn’t yet formulated. Their loving attachment to each other (a black father and son) caused me, momentarily, to forget my car troubles.

At this moment I am preparing for an afternoon visit with my family, yes, on Christmas. Normally, I spend Christmas alone, or in the company of a mutually, loving partner (which I will probably do later tonight), but this year is different. I want to show support to a family member who is going through a very difficult and traumatic tragedy; one that I could not imagine, not in a million days. Of course, I don’t celebrate Christmas, but after meeting this man and his son, I was reminded that everyday is a day for loving and for giving (and forgiving). It’s that simple, that true, that authentic. Cheers!

© 2013 annalise fonza, Ph.D.